You are currently browsing the category archive for the 'Blog Updates' category.
i owe an apology. ive been hiding behind something over the past few months. i became so concerned with wowing you with my posts that i lost the rawness that made this blog what it once was.
i promised myself, almost 5 years ago, that this blog would be a reflection of who i am. imperfect, improper, sometimes hard to understand but in that, a reflection of who i am. maybe even a reflection of who we all are.
i want that back.
i dont exactly know where this is headed. other than to say ive come across to many coincidences for this to be well, coincidence.
its september 10th. its been 5 years since the world shook. since my world began to crumble. and the road to texas started to form. 5 years of so many changes. of so much pain, and so much learning.
and to tell you the truth, in some ways, i miss the pain. the searing heat of knowing you were changing. of knowing that you had to survive. of knowing that this was it, this was your defining moment. this was the time in your life when you became the next phase of whoever you were going to be.
god knows i want that again. i want to move into whatever it is i am supposed to be. i want to feel the heat of the fire, see the dead in me burn in the flames, and see new growth rise from the ashes.
i want to lose sleep, be uncomfortable, look weird, act strange and be thought of as a freak from “normal” christians.
i want more of God. and i want to want Him even more. i dont want the highlight of my week to be something ‘fun’. i want encounters. i want revival, regeneration. i want passion and fire and hope and dreams and words of prophecy. i want life changing fire in my soul. and i want to want this more.
::deep sigh::
i spent a portion of today cleaning up the blog. beginning with the archives (oldest first) and working my way towards the present i hope to categorize, and in some cases repair the titles of my old postings. im not making any content changes. just cleaning up. sometime long ago i unfortunately lost the titles to a number of my postings from 2003-2004. its a bummer, but its actually blessing me as i know have to reread posts ive not read in years to try and title them again.
which brings me to my next point. lipstick. well, lipgloss to be more precise.
i found your lipstick earlier this week. covergirl 014b. “hint of pink”. it was in the pocket of a sportcoat ive not worn in a long time. one of the last times i wore it, i was at the country club, for a company dinner. with you.
maybe im seeing something here were there isnt anything other than random coincidences. but i felt the need to say something to you. heck, i dont even know if you read my blog anymore. but either way…
i miss you. i know, im shocked too. i honestly am. and im not saying “lets start talking” or anything like that, im simply admitting that you were a tremendous blessing in my life. a wonderful friend and yes, i do miss you.
i hope you’ve found happiness. i hope you’re learning daily how amazing the love of the Father is towards you. and i hope above all else, that you’re eyes remain steadfast on the One who will never leave you or forsake you. you deserve the best that this life has. and i pray you receive it.
september 11 is 4 minutes away. and for a lot of the nation, it will be a day of remembrance. a day full of moments of silence, of remembering and mourning for those lost. i can still remember what i ordered for lunch that day. and beyond that, i remember those whom i had lunch with.
may this week remind us that there is a time to remember and a time to mourn. and that death can come for anyone at anytime. but most importantly, may we be reminded of the things, the people both past and present, that made us alive. may we be reminded that there is still hope, that the One is still one the throne and may we always remember that life will rise from the ashes.
it seems that my comments decided to take a vacation and quit working. thanks to kate for letting me know:). all should be fixed!
in response to the above question….*
the answer is no.
or, more clearly
no, not yet.
but i will be.
(when this blog was titled “am i who i want to be?”)
two quick things…
for some reason, even tho people are posting to comments – it isnt changing showing it on the main page.
to tony and tommy, thanks for the encouragement!
and now… ::drumroll::
you can email me directly!
woohoo
feel free to contact me at
thislifeithinkimliving@hotmail.com
hey all… as a quick update – my computer basically blew up yesterday (tuesday). so as for now, i wont be using AIM.
if you need to get a hold of me – PLEASE call me as my access to my personal email is very limited.
and please pray for a new computer!
thanks guys!
alrighty now… back up and runnin!
ok… seriously pissed off. blogger is actin really really funny.
facing the past. the facts. and the future.im hoping that tonite.. will at least accomplish some of that.
see, ive been keeping myself insanely busy over the past 2.5 weeks for a very specific purpose. march 19th 2002. my parents officially filed for divorce.
i hoenstly didnt believe that knowing it was officially official would be that hard. i was wrong.
i know for a fact that im sitting here trying to make myself feel what i know is boiling inside of me. but even tonite i know im barely scratching the surface of whats going on inside of me. see, what i would like to do, would be to keep everything inside in a pretty lil box with a cute lil bow on it and only take out the items in the box when i have time, and the ability to deal with them. but that seldomly happens. besides, i cant tie a bow to save my life…
what does happen is that the pressure continously builds until ‘pop’… or ‘kaboom’ or ‘insert loud explosion sound of your choice here’.
anyway, along with the new look to the site, a new title. shamelessly copied from ‘the beautiful letdown’ by switchfoot….
::drumroll::
this is my life.. am i who i want to be?
tada. [insert any and all fanfare here]
well. obviously my session of attempting to deal with the inner turmoil is going nowhere. fast. so i am going to call it a nite. and just click post and maybe pay my verizon bill.
sounds like a plan….
